I am a sad, sad girl right now. I just broke my hand mirror because I was so frustrated. I stared at the cracks and shards from that glass and I started choking out these weird, half-dead sobs, and I just starting crying uncontrollably: shoulders shaking, eyes welling nonstop, the works. I'm telling you: love is a demon that possesses you, then slowly starts to eat you from the inside until nothing is left of you except a few shards and pieces. So why the Hell have I not given up yet? Because I'll never find out if things between us would work or not. I'll never know if all these days of careful planning and the past two years of complete heartache and denial were worth anything or not. I don't know about you, but I think that if I endured all this pain then I deserve something. I just wish I'd never said anything bad about Ben, you know? God! It's like I'm bleeding and he's the only effective tourniquet. You can die if you lose too much blood, you know. So maybe if he doesn't do anything at all, and if he never finds out anything, that could only mean one thing...I'll die.
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