I'm Fed Up With WAITING

I'm fed up with waiting. I want to take action! I told you I'm childish. I get so impatient sometimes. All I want is for something divinely glorious to happen, and even if it never happens, I'm still itching to do something about this. He's so unaware of everything, it's sad...someone needs to do something about it. It's like time is in hibernation- a complete standstill that is completely intolerable. *twitching with agitation* Here's an idea, Ben: tell me what I'm supposed to do now, please. Why the Hell are you cutting me like this?! Is it so hard to tell me why? Oh, I see, you just don't want to speak about it. That's fine, I'm defenseless anyway. Keep on cutting me until I lose my belief in everyone and everything all together. You seem to want to be the focal point now, anyway. Lovely. He's in control of the situation, whether he knows it or not. Every move he makes affects people in some way, either good or bad. In my case, every day that he continues to exist is a good day for me. He's like a witch doctor, and I am his voodoo doll: he's calling the shots with his broken eyes and his intriguing silence. I'd gladly give everything away just so long as he'd make his plans known to me, since I'm carrying them out, obviously. What the Hell does he want me to do: jump off a bridge? Does he just not believe that I'm sincerely regretting everything I ever did to him? I DO appreciate the fact that despite all the horrible things I did to him (none of which he deserved) he never retaliated. Maybe he didn't want to sink to my level of conflict, IDK. But I love him anyway, even if he's just as aware that I don't deserve him as I am. I have to change; I have to make the sincerity of my guilt sink in. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, because he's got me so discombobulated that everything I do is going to seem trivial and ridiculous. He'll never take me as I am, so I have to fix this. I need to stitch this back together. Just because we know how the story is written and we know how it's supposed to end doesn't mean we can't change it, and since he doesn't realize that because he's too busy pulling my strings and sticking pins in my eyes, apparently, I have to do it. I have to break out if only for a few moments so I can rewrite our demented fairytale gone horribly wrong. That's why I'm here.
I'm fed up with WAITING