I Fell for Him Like Winehouse Fell For Crack: Hard Without Hope of Recovery

Ben Rondy is like a drug substitute: legal, not harmful, yet just as addictive as something that will turn you into Amy Winehouse in a split second. I will not be caught saying that I'm addicted to him, because I've passed addiction a long time ago. I'm in a state where I'm completely consumed by him, and according to Webster's New International National Guard Dictionary there is a huge difference between addiction and consumption. It's hard to be enveloped by someone who you'll never get your arms around (let alone your friggen mind), or to be held by someone who wouldn't dare touch you. It's funny to think someone could hate you but never hurt you INTENTIONALLY. It seems so mind-blowingly wrong that it's almost as if it defies every law of science that was ever wasted on the youth. We have alot more emotional issues than everyone in the past could ever have forseen, and that's not our fault. The media tugs at most of us. But unlike everyone else, a real, touchable, visible, sensible force is tugging at me: an actual being is causing me to act and feel this way. It's not his fault, I'd never blame Ben for any of this, but dear God, why did you have to make him part of the equation? I'm not one to question the innevitable, or the unexplainable, but I seriously wonder why the Hell I have to struggle with (of all people) Ben. It makes absolutely no sense! I get so angry! He's so..so...whatever! I just can't describe him cuz he's beyond anything that was ever imagined or dreamed about. He's like the most beautiful nightmare I've ever had, only I can't just open and rub my eyes and expect him to be gone. I've rubbed my eyes a million times, but he's always there, silently screaming at me to keep falling for him, becasue it's only a matter of time before he drives me into madness.