I Wish I Had A Time Machine Or a Chuck Norris

I wish I had a time machine so I could take Chuck Norris back to when an acquaintance of mine ruined my plan so Chuck could roundhouse kick her in the face. I had a plan where I would leave Ben alone and then when the moment was juuust right, I'd actually build up the moxy to be nice and just say hi real friendly-like and whatnot. But that friggen dumb girl ruined it! *stamps feet and marches around bedroom angrily waving fists and knocking pencils off desk* RUINED IT! She threw it on the ground, stomped in it, smushed it, and when it was good and dead, bit a huge chinck out of it then threw it in my face saying, 'here's another failed attempt at ever being liked by anyone, you stupid loser'. What did she do? She called him 'vile'. When I think of the word 'vile' I think of negro vomito pr the black vomit, and when I think of black vomit I think of Ebola, and when I think of Ebola I think of a disease that eats you from the inside out so that you cave in and die a slow, 30 minute death, and when I think of that I think of level four biohazardous testing, and when I think of that I think of big burly government dudes kicking in doors to meth labs screaming, 'all right all you suckahs get the Hell out of this shack now with yo f****in hands behind yo nappy heads, ya har?! I said NOW!' So I don't think of anything of even the teeniest minota of pleasantry when I hear the word 'vile'. *sobs and pouts* I wish I could get Chuck Norris to judo chop that girl in the back of the head. *Sigh* another failed plan, I guess.