Hoping Through the Suffrage

Join me In Death: that song just speaks to me you know? It's beautifully depressing. I'm not depressed, but I like romantic nightmares like that. It's a pretty song. I'm starting to wonder if I was right about hope being a waste. Maybe I could just cross my fingers and hope that maybe, by some chance the Fates are with me and the stars are aligned in my puny favor, one day far far down the road, I'll get what I want, and when I get what I want, it will be just as wonderful as I imagined and dreamed it would be. *Sigh* Ben's a pain without even trying. Gawd, this hurts. I didn't anticipate all this heartache when I signed up to lawlessly and irrevocably fall in love with this guy who might hate me or not really notice my existence (although that's probably not the case. He hates me) This SUCKS! Argh! I wish this didn't hurt like Hell. I still am going to hold onto this as long as I can, even if it kills me. This is what it's all about, really: you have to work to get what you want, and in this case, work is dealing with the almost intolerable pain of lawless passion that no one understands, not even me.