Crashing...Burning...Hope is FUTILE

I am soo angry right now. I wish I'd never fallen for any of that crap my friends said. See, my friends (some of them) are rude and like to tease people and make people miserable. It's probably because they're not happy, but IDK. Anyway, I wish they'd never started it, because when they did it, I participated and soo...because I pretty much antagonized Ben, the chances of him EVER liking me are about 1,000,000,000 to 00.1. That's a pretty pathetic chance. Oh, God, WHY?! Why was I so stupid? *sobbing and boo-hooing like a baby* This is so ridiculous! ARGH! I'm...I'm so steamed right now. Somebody please do something! Please! EEK! Can you believe my horrible luck?! I'm such a retard, honestly. This is insane. I can't take it anymore. Je nais regrette rien my tail end: I regret everything now. I do. I always say I won't but I do. He makes me feel so guilty. I'm not sure how one clears their conscience of these kind of things, in fact, I don't think you can. Maybe one day, I'll get over it, and he'll gradually forget, if he hasn't already, and then everything will be peachy. *snorts with skeptical laughter* AS IF! I don't think the madness will end ever. Hope is futile. If only I'd never said anything. If only...I guess 'if only' statements never fix anything, either. No use wallowing in my dismay. It's all going to Hell in a handbasket.T.T